The Unspoken Rules About When Men Are ‘Allowed’ to Cry
· Vice
Grown men who didn’t shed a tear at their own wedding will sob into a foam finger when their team blows a lead in the fourth quarter. The guys around them don’t laugh. Their buddy pats him on the shoulder, and no one brings it up again.
Sports seem to give men a little room to cry in public without anybody deciding they’ve lost their mind or are, god forbid, acting like a woman. Hamilton College psychologist Heather MacArthur wanted to know why that room exists in some situations and not others. Her study in Frontiers in Psychology found that people were much more accepting when the man crying already fit a traditionally masculine image.
Visit h-doctor.club for more information.
Participants read short stories about men crying at work and rated firefighters who teared up as stronger and more emotionally appropriate than nurses who did the same. Men also said they’d be more likely to cry after losing a weightlifting competition than a figure skating one. “Men who are perceived to embody cultural ideals of masculinity may be given more room to cry,” MacArthur wrote.
Why Men Get a Pass for Crying Over Sports
So the tears themselves weren’t really the issue. People seemed to care more about what kind of man was crying. A guy who’s seen as tough gets more leeway than one whose job or sport is seen as less masculine, even when the reaction is exactly the same.
Football has its own boundaries around this. Indiana University researchers asked 150 college players to read about a fictional teammate named Jack who cried after a game. The players were generally fine with him tearing up after a loss. Full-on sobbing was another story. They also thought that type of reaction made more sense after losing than winning.
The players who were more accepting of crying also reported higher self-esteem. “The college football players in our study who believed Jack’s crying was appropriate had higher self-esteem,” lead author Joel Wong said. Players who said crying was wrong, but admitted they’d probably do the same thing, reported lower self-esteem.
Co-author Jesse Steinfeldt said players who were comfortable being both strong and emotionally expressive were “more likely to have a mental edge on and off the field.” Sports might be one of the few places where men can cry without immediately feeling embarrassed. Outside that setting, very rarely.
The post The Unspoken Rules About When Men Are ‘Allowed’ to Cry appeared first on VICE.