6 Ways to Meet Someone in Real Life Without Using Dating Apps
· Vice
Dating apps have made approaching someone in person feel super intimidating. You can spend an hour swiping through strangers on Hinge without thinking twice, but walking up to someone attractive at a bar and introducing yourself? That requires a level of courage many of us apparently no longer possess. So you stare at your phone until they finish their drink and leave.
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Researchers at the University of Chicago found that commuters who struck up conversations with strangers enjoyed themselves more than they’d expected. Beforehand, most figured they’d be happier keeping to themselves. Afterward, they were surprised by how much they’d enjoyed talking to someone they’d never met.
If you’re tired of relying on dating apps, a few ways can make meeting people in person a little easier.
1. Go Somewhere You’d Actually Want to Spend Time
A neighborhood bar or coffee shop you enjoy is a better starting point than forcing yourself to attend a singles event you already know you’ll hate. The more frequently you go, the more familiar people become. Seeing someone a few times makes it easier to strike up a conversation without feeling like you’re interrupting a stranger’s entire evening.
2. Get Your Face Out of Your Phone
Sitting at a bar staring at Instagram for an hour probably isn’t doing much for your chances of meeting anyone. You don’t have to make aggressive eye contact with every attractive person who walks in, but occasionally looking around and smiling at somebody can open the door to a conversation. People need some indication that you’re interested in talking.
3. Forget Trying to Be Clever
The pressure to come up with a brilliant opening line is ridiculous. You’re just trying to talk to another person, not audition for a role in their life. Asking what they’re drinking or commenting on something happening around you is fine. Matchmaker Blaine Anderson told Cosmopolitan that a simple introduction works, too: “I don’t think we’ve met—I’m [insert name].”
4. Make the First Move Yourself
Many women still wait for men to approach them, and those same men are hesitant because they’re worried about coming across as creepy. If you’re interested in someone, smile at them or start a conversation. If they don’t seem interested, leave them to enjoy their evening. You don’t need an elaborate strategy.
5. Notice If They’re Actually Enjoying the Conversation
It’s one thing to be nervous about talking to someone attractive. It’s another to keep talking when they’re giving every indication they’d like you to stop. If they’re asking questions and contributing to the conversation, things are probably going well. If they keep checking their phone or giving you one-word answers, take the hint and move on.
6. Stop Replaying Every Word You Said
Even when a conversation goes well, it’s tempting to spend the next hour thinking about something stupid you said or wondering if the other person was just being polite. Yale researchers found that people generally underestimate how much strangers enjoyed talking to them. So while you’re busy criticizing everything you said, the other person might actually hope to see you again.
If you enjoyed talking to them and they seemed interested, ask for their number. You might be pleasantly surprised by the answer. What’s honestly the worst that could happen? They said “no”? Who cares? Move on and don’t take it personally.
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